Same book, new chapter

Well, we finally have something to update!

We recently felt like we had come to a fork in the road with our adoption options: it has become increasingly clear that adopting out of DHS or the Cherokee nation is not going to happen; by the time their children are legally free to be adopted, they're much older than what we feel would fit with our family right now, with Gentry just being 3. So we pretty much had one road of traditional foster care with the hope of adopting or private adoption.

 

I really thought foster care was the direction we were heading; we had previously discussed private adoption, and the cost is just overwhelming. But we each took a day to pray and think about it, and I just realized that my heart/mind/soul are not in the right place for foster care. Every caseworker I've talked to has made that very clear- we shouldn't foster unless our mindset is 100% that we want reunification for the child. I could say those words but I would not mean it in my heart. I don't want reunification, I want them to be a part of our family, forever. We still feel like foster care will have a place in our lives but for some reason I have this strong desire for Gentry to have a permanent sibling before we start having kids in and out of our home. I think it would help her deal with all of the unknowns of foster care.

 

So with foster care off the table for now that just leaves private adoption. And all of the sudden we just stopped fighting the fear of money and accepted the idea. And it has been such a huge weight lifted ever since! I had prepared myself for foster care but every time I thought about it I felt apprehensive and pretty much terrified. Now I feel completely at peace and so excited, which I'm taking as a good sign. Things have just been falling into place since that decision. We've turned in our application with Catholic Charities and received our massive packet of papers to turn in. Third time to be fingerprinted, background checked, home studied, references, 16 page autobiography, etc. But they say the third time's the charm! Catholic Charities is a local mission that provides crises pregnancy services in Tulsa and we actually met with them over the summer and loved everything we heard, but at that time the cost was still too daunting so we didn't pursue anything more. I just remember how calm and peaceful the woman was we spoke with, and after going over all the details and "what ifs" she basically said, 'but none of that really matters, God is in control of all of this and He knows which family each child will go to'. It was such a wonderful reminder that my God is bigger than all of this; He's bigger than my fears, our shortcomings, the broken child-welfare system and any situations that may arise working with a birthmom. The idea of even interacting with a birthmom scared me to death before but now I'm really excited & praying for her daily. I can't wait to meet her and hear her story and share ours. I'm praying for a great relationship with her.

 

Adoptions at CC range between $10,000 and $25,000 which takes my breath away a little even when I type it. But we just feel sure that God is going to provide, and that somehow the money will be there, as needed, each step of the way. The majority of the cost starts once we are matched with a birthmom. We're excited to start some fundraisers very soon! As always, we could never thank all of our family and friends enough for supporting and praying us through this journey. 

 

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.

Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life" | Psalm 143:8

 

Sweet girl mailing off our application!

 

 

 

A Time for Everything

This past week has brought some interesting insight and decisions for us. It started when my sister contacted me about a foster case she heard about. It was a pretty far stretch but I looked into it anyway. Long story short, nothing came of it and that felt ok. But it did make me start to really wonder how we have not received one single call when I know these kids are out there. So I decided to email our caseworker at Cherokee Nation (CN) and we basically came to a mutual conclusion that if we are only interested in children up to 1 year and not willing to take sibling groups right now then it might be a good idea to start looking at other options such as expanding our preferences, continuing our certification with DHS, private agencies, etc. I totally expected her to say this but for some reason it really hit me hard and left me questioning pretty much everything up to this point...did we just waste a year and half? Is adoption really what God is calling us to? Why did we feel pulled toward CN if that's not going to happen? Am I even hearing God or just my own human emotions? Fortunately I have a very patient & level headed husband and a couple of friends and family members who have been through the adoption journey who let me work through all of these emotions. Everyone I talked to about it was very encouraging that if we felt like God was calling us here than we are probably right where we should be, we just can't see His plan. I still felt like I needed to DO something though, so I've been researching other agencies because Gentry wants a sibling now and I totally have baby fever and I get into this cycle... maybe we should just go with the crazy expensive private agency or hire an adoption attorney and just get us a baby! But wait...we could just have another biological child then right? Ok wait why did we decide to adopt anyway? Deep breath...because we are confident that that is what God has called us to do. We're not trying to have another baby...we're answering what we *believe* is God's call and simply saying we are willing to open our hearts and our home to a child who wouldn't otherwise have all of these blessings. The blessing of a safe home, loving parents, an incredible big sister, a ridiculous amount of friends and family to love and support them, and growing up knowing they are a Child of God. SO...I've pretty much just had to cool my jets and renew my perspective this week. On paper we have made a few small changes: we are continuing with our DHS certification (I had kind of put that on hold because I just wasn't "feeling" it) and we are going to an informational meeting with Catholic Charities (this would basically be a private adoption through a crisis pregnancy agency). At this time we are keeping our status with CN as adoption and low-risk foster up to 1 year old.
In one of my first posts I mentioned the song Oceans by Hillsong, I'm sure most of you have heard it. One famous line from it is "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders". I kind of picture that when we started this process it was like we were walking out onto a swinging wooden bridge with rope handles. I thought that was trust. Now I feel like the bridge is still there but the rope handles are gone, it still feels safe but a lot more scary. I think we're just beginning to understand what it really means to trust. There might come a time when that bridge completely falls out and we will truly have to rely on God alone to keep us up, that is probably what "trust without borders" is really like and to be perfectly honest I'm not sure I'm ready to know what that is like, I prefer safe. But I do know that wherever He calls us He will be right beside us. And one of the main reasons I have that confidence is because of the awesome faith of all of those around us, praying for us, sharing their stories of faith, bible verses to confirm what we believe, etc. We as a couple are not doing anything great by any means, we are just two regular weak & broken people who think we heard God calling and gave a nervous 'Ok we're willing...'. It's because of all of the support around us that we have been able to continue this journey headed who knows where! :) Here are a few sweet reminders that God has provided to us from people in our lives:
* One of the my coworkers reminding me that something God has been so clear about in his Word (James 1:27) can't be wrong.
* A sermon about how we are not going to mess up God's plans. I worry so much about if we should certify with this or that or change preferences etc but ultimately those decisions are not going to "mess up" God's bigger story that He's writing here. I like to picture that maybe God's path is a nice straight line and so maybe it curves a little more because of my choices but it ends up in the same place.
*Spending time with an amazing friend who has adopted a child with special needs and realizing how "messy" adoption is, both legally and day to day life. It sounds so noble to want to join the cause of "orphan care" but the reality of it isn't pretty or romantic or glamorous. It's 24/7, real life, mundane, challenging and tiring. But then I remember that Jesus spent most of his time with "messy" people... sinners, tax collectors, the very people who wanted him dead. And I for one am not very good at going into the messy places of life so this will be a big challenge for me.
*Looking at a local adoption attorney's website and the first thing on her site was this message from Jesus Calling: "stop trying to work things out before their times have come. Accept the limitations of living one day at a time. When something comes to your attention, ask Me whether or not it is part of today's agenda. If it isn't, release it into my care and go on about today's duties. When you follow this practice, there will be a beautiful simplicity about your life: a time for everything, and everything in it's time. A life lived close to me is not complicated or cluttered. When your focus is on My Presence, many things that once troubled you lose their power over you. Though the world around you is messy and confusing, remember that I have overcome the world. I have told you these things so that in Me you may have Peace. 'There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven' Ecclesiastes 3:1". A lot easier said than done, but I'm working on it :).

And then finally at church today our sermon led me to this thought: when we made the decision to follow Jesus into this adoption, we surrendered our timeline for when we would have a second child. He is completely in control and I just have to be patient to see the great things He is working on. This is not our story, it is God's story, we are just the lucky ones he is hopefully going to use to bless one of his smallest and most vulnerable children. I can't thank you all enough for your continued prayers and support for us and our second child, wherever they may be at this time.

Dual Certification

Just thought I'd give a quick update that there isn't much to update :). We have decided to become dual certified through DHS just in case we receive an out of state placement (some states require DHS certification). So basically it's just to cover our bases and be legally prepared for more situations.We have also increased our age limit from 6 months to one year. That's about all that is new "on paper" but for anyone interested in some of my crazy thoughts along the way and lessons we are learning, read on...

We have settled comfortably into this waiting period and I think God is just starting to reveal the importance of the WAIT. I easily pictured the beginning of our adoption process and the end but I never really thought about the wait. You may have noticed that I changed the blog name, we are still going through Cherokee nation at this time but I am already beginning to see how many different directions this process may take us. Since my last post I have been made aware of 4 potential adoption situations. None of them even made it past "hey I heard about this baby..." but nonetheless they were times that made me freeze for a second and look to God asking 'Is this the one for us?' They were all very clearly not meant for us and for that I am thankful because the Lord knows how horrible I am at making decisions. I was however shocked at how much love I felt for each of these children that I literally knew nothing about. And I actually felt heartbroken for a little bit after realizing that they weren't for us. I know that will sound absolutely crazy to some of you (maybe all of you!). I wasn't heartbroken because we didn't get a child because truly our home and hearts are full to bursting right now and we don't feel rushed to just have another child. But learning even little details about these kids instantly attached them to my heart and it was the craziest thing to feel so much love in such a short amount of time. What this has taught me is that God has given me a heart that easily opens and loves and has pretty much erased any doubt that I will love number two as much as I love my Gentry bean. So...back to the waiting. We recently learned that it can take 2-4 years to get a newborn through the CN and even that is a long shot because priority is always given to couples with infertility. CN mostly deals with "deprived cases" where children are taken from the home versus a birth mom situation. So the chances of a newborn being taken that doesn't have older siblings is pretty slim. That is another reason we have decided to become DHS certified as well as increasing our age limit.
 I'm also learning that our 'comfort zone' is being stretched way outside what I expected. One of the children I mentioned above was from China and had a severe medical condition and another child was one I learned of through work who also had a medical disability. When we started out we both felt that international adoption and major disabilities were not something we were willing to look into. I'm definitely the more emotional one of the two of us and so I always use Jason as my 'compass' to gauge if I'm just having an emotional reaction to something. With both of these cases I just gave Jason the facts and asked how he felt about it. He had a lot of questions about each but ultimately was 100% on board. I am really surprised to see how easily our comfort zone could be stretched when we surrender it God. Again, none of these cases were in God's plan for our family but it definitely opened my eyes to a whole world of possibilities. I don't feel overly impatient with this process, mostly because most days I don't how I would manage with a newborn thrown in the mix. But I also want to use this waiting period for His Glory. He has promised that while we wait, He will strengthen us (Isaiah 40:31)- Strength for whatever is next, strength for a much longer wait than expected, strength for things I can't even imagine. I like this quote from Living Proof Ministries: "Most times, the waiting really isn't about the waiting, it's about becoming". I also found this song by John Waller called While I'm Waiting and the chorus is: While I'm waiting I will serve You; While I'm waiting I will worship; While I'm waiting I will not faint; I'll be running the race even while I wait. It gives a great sense of purpose to the waiting process which I love. For now we are settling into the waiting and continue to trust that when God does have a child for us that it will be undeniably clear.

Approved!

A small but exciting update! Today we received our official letter of approval from the Cherokee nation, so we are now open for a placement at any time. It's such a strange feeling having no time frame whatsoever. We could have a child in our home next week...or it may be a year or more. I'm a big planner so it's hard for me not to have everything ready & waiting but since we don't know exactly how old the child will be or when they'll be here there's not a lot of point to planning. It's also a really exciting place to be, completely trusting God without a lot of direction. I probably won't have much to update until we have a possible placement but lots of prayers are so greatly appreciated- for our sweet baby & whatever situation they may be in before they come home to us, for Gentry since her world is about to be rocked, and for the birth mom & all of the things she'll be going through. Thanks :)

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters, wherever You would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, and my faith will be made stronger, in the presence of my Savior.
I will call upon Your name, keep my eyes above the waves. My soul will rest in Your embrace. I am Yours and You are mine."
Oceans by Hillsong United (Such a good song if you haven't heard it!!)


***clarification: we are not naming the baby Usdi, it just means "baby" in Cherokee :)***

Baby Steps

Welcome to our blog! And let me start by saying that I am terrible at things like this! :) The goal is just to keep everyone up to date with our adoption process. Jason and I have talked about adopting someday even before we were married. I definitely feel like God has been directing us on this path for many years. We have had the opportunity to watch several friends and family members go through the challenges and blessings of adoption and have learned a lot from them. God has blessed us so immensely with loving family and friends, a stable marriage, jobs that support our family's needs, and an incredible almost 2 year old daughter and we want to share it with a child in need. Last fall we spent a lot of time praying about where to even begin (international, domestic, foster/adopt) and after doing some research we really felt like God was pointing us toward domestic adoption but that was as far as we got. A few weeks later I was filling out some paperwork to get Gentry her Cherokee card (I'm Cherokee from my dad's side of the family) and had a moment of realizing how awesome it would be if our second child was also Cherokee because that's a connection that Gentry and her sibling would always have. So we jumped in with both feet and trusted in the Lord. We have since then turned in our application, filled out a huge stack of papers, had numerous background checks and fingerprinting done, attended training classes, had two home visits and turned in our profile book. At this point we are waiting for our home study to be reviewed and waiting on one last background check to be returned from the state. When that is complete we will officially be "open" and the real waiting game begins. One of the main things I have learned from others who have gone through this process is that you never know where you're going to end up and it's usually not where you thought you would be when you started. So we are trying to remain as open minded as we can and not have too many expectations. That being said...we have requested a newborn up to 6 months and are praying for a boy! We are open to a birthmother situation or a 'custody' baby who has been taken from their mother for various reasons. We are so excited to see where this journey takes us and to meet baby number two whoever he/she is! I definitely have my days of doubt and anxiety because there are a lot of risks. If we go with a birthmother there is a lot more financial risk and of course she could always change her mind. If we are given a custody child I feel like there is more 'emotional' risk- their policy is that the baby is in your home a minimum of 6 months before the adoption process even begins because reunification with family is always their first goal. It is so easy to get overwhelmed when I start thinking about all the what-if's but I always remind myself that God has led us here and He already knows exactly which baby will be joining our family and how it's all going to work out, so what should I be worrying about? I'll do my best to update you all often. Thanks so much for visiting and please keep our future baby and their birthmother in your prayers!